The Long Winded Blues of The Never
Meta by falafel_musings
Artwork by cylune9



On this day, someone has brought Walt's family out into the desert and slaughtered them. Someone has stolen Walt's money, burned down Walt's empire and made it so that Walt did all of this for nothing. For worse than nothing. And all these things happened because Walt's criminal life spawned a chaotic child who he thought he could control but who has now brought about his utter destruction. Shall we give a name to Walt's child of chaos? "Heisenberg" is the name I'd call it by. But the name Walt chooses instead is "Pinkman", a new name for the boy who used to be his Jesse.

Previous Essays
Season One
Season Two, Part One
Season Two, Part Two
Season Three, Part One
Season Three, Part Two
Season Four, Part One
Season Four, Part Two
Season Five, Part One

"I need you to believe me."

At the end of the last half season, Walter White came to say his last goodbye to Jesse Pinkman. Walt's cancer was back, his time was running short and he didn't want to part with Jesse in anger and bitterness. Walt wanted Jesse to remember all the good times they shared when they weren't killing people and melting their bodies in acid. Jesse can only remember the horrors, but for Walt the year they spent as partners was the one great adventure of his life. For one year, Walt felt alive. Walt felt awake. Walt became the best at something, Walt gambled and he won. And Jesse was the person who Walt shared it all with. Jesse was the person who survived it with Walt. So in the end Walt wanted to say thank you. Walt left Jesse's money on his doorstep and didn't wait to see Jesse's reaction. This allowed Walt to believe he has done right by his partner. In Walt's vainglorious mind, he had given Jesse a happy ending. He had given his best pupil a pat on the head. He had provided for his family. This was the ending Walt wanted for them.

Jesse was expecting a very different final goodbye. For three months, Jesse sat in the shadows of his dirty decaying home and he waited for Heisenberg to knock on his door. Saul warned Jesse that Walt might be coming for him and Jesse didn't run. He waited like a man who has sentenced himself to death row. Jesse might have kept a gun to defend himself, but Jesse also brought a gun to his confrontation with the two dealers who killed Tomas and I don't think Jesse was expecting to survive that confrontation either. But maybe if Walt had pulled a gun on him Jesse would have shot back and they might have said their last goodbyes while bleeding to death on Jesse's floor. That's the kind of ending that bad guys deserve. But instead Walt came to burden Jesse with two heavy bags of blood money. Jesse's not so scared of dying these days. The real torture is living with what they've done.

After Jesse tries to give his money away, Walt comes to his door again. Jesse doesn't seem surprised and subconsciously Jesse must have known that Saul would call Walt rather than giving the money to Drew's parents and Mike's granddaughter. It is Jesse's passive aggressive way of telling Walt what this money signifies to him now, that he can't forget the people who died so those bags could be so full. But Walt only called it "blood money" to win an argument. Even though Jesse acknowledges that Walt was right, it was still a fight that Walt lost because he couldn't get Jesse to stay. Walt has learned that he can't beat Jesse into submission. When it comes to Jesse, Walt is the one who must "tread lightly". So Walt immediately starts parenting Jesse, babying him even. He tuts disapprovingly at the bong on the table (that Jesse doesn't even bother to hide from him anymore) and he demands an explanation for Jesse's silly reckless behavior as though he were lecturing an unruly teenager. Then quickly Walt softens, he squeezes Jesse's shoulder and he calls him "son". Walt knows how Jesse craves this fatherly affection and encouragement so he saves it for these moments when he really needs Jesse to obey him.

Jesse sits very still and he listens, silent tears slipping down his cheeks. Jesse can't look at Walt while he is lying to his face and transparently trying to manipulate him once more. Jesse can't bring himself to say the words "You killed Mike". It hurts so much that he can only hint at it. How many times did Jesse shield Walt when Mike was threatening to shoot him? Jesse was torn between two father figures and now maybe he fears he choose the wrong one to protect. Both fathers are dead to Jesse now anyway. He'll never think of this man "Mr White" again. But Walt asks Jesse to believe the blatant fantasy scenario that Mike rode off into the sunset. He asks Jesse to believe that all three of them got their happy endings after they got out of the meth business. And then all of a sudden, Walt is no longer asking Jesse to believe, he is ordering him to. What Walt needs is for Jesse not to defy him, not to be disgusted with him and above all not to make himself Walt's enemy over this. Because anyone else who ever made themselves an enemy to Walt is dead now. Walt doesn't want to even contemplate things ending the same way with Jesse. They have kept each other alive this long. It can't end that way. Somewhere unspoken in this scene is the plea; Please son, don't turn on me now. Please don't make me kill you... but I don't think Jesse believes that anymore either.

Jesse finally looks Walt in the eyes and he lies right back to him, accepting that Mike is still alive. Then they sit in a weary silence with a barrier of forced lies and blood money between them. Walt needs Jesse to play along with his version of events. Just for six more months so that Walt can die and keep his adventures with Jesse the way he wishes to remember them. But Jesse doesn't get that closure. He isn't terminally ill or on death row. As haggard as Jesse looks, he is still young and he has a lot of time ahead of him. A painfully long time to live with this.


Buried & Confessions



"He really did a number on you, didn't he?"

In the cold open for 'Buried' we follow a trail of scattered money to a playground where Jesse is slowly turning himself on a merry-go-round. He's so catatonic he can't speak and is only barely moving. Jesse couldn't accept the blood money Walt gave him, nor the lies and the twisted love that came with that money. All Jesse wants now is to throw it away, throw it all out. He drove around that poor neighborhood all night screaming and throwing, desperate to be rid of the money and the memories attached to it, desperate to return to a state of innocence when he could still believe in Mr White. A cold lonely playground at night is where Jesse finally has his breakdown. A playground haunted by the ghost of Jesse's lost youth and all the children he never wanted to see hurt.

Jesse gets picked up by the cops who are only too happy to kick him when he's down. All cops that is besides Hank Schrader who knows a thing or two about having his life torn apart by Walter White. Jesse barely raises an eyebrow at the revelation that Hank knows Walt is Heisenberg but when Hank stares into Jesse's bloodshot eyes and says "He really did a number on you, didn't he?" Jesse's composure starts to slip. Jesse is an open wound and this cop (who he hates) can see right away who has done this to him. Hank tries to show Jesse some wounds of his own. Hank knows how it feels to be lied to and betrayed by someone he trusted, someone he loved. Jesse is listening but he's not willing to talk, not to Hank. A beaten dog isn't so quick to forgive or to trust new masters.

It's a long time before Walt gets around to dealing with Jesse. As the bastard child of the White family he often falls lowest on Walt's priority list though not because Walt cares for him the least. Walt doesn't seem too rattled when he learns Jesse has been arrested or even when he hears Jesse has been throwing his money around the town. Hank is Walt's biggest concern for the moment. Walt has plenty of practice when it comes to putting out Jesse's fires. He's become an expert at controlling the chaos that Jesse creates at the sidelines of his life. Why should this be any different? When they meet in the desert, Saul expects Walt to be furious. But Walt is only solemn and concerned. Back when he still had a soul Walt made it his responsibility to save Jesse. As long as Walt doesn't give up on Jesse maybe a fragment of his soul will still remain. Walt really does want that fresh start for Jesse as much as he wants Skyler to pass on their money to his kids. "You're still so damn young" Walt remarks, ignoring how aged and weary Jesse looks right now. A year with Walter White has drained Jesse of all his youth and innocence, but Walt wants to give it all back and help Jesse see their past as nothing but a bad dream.

But there's a tarantula crawling close to Jesse's feet and the ghosts of lost children still heavy on his mind. Jesse can't accept Walt's fatherly concern anymore. He throws it all out. Tearfully, Jesse begs Walt to stop working him. If Walt is going to manipulate and abuse him, can he at least stop doing it so nicely? Jesse finally says the words he didn't dare to say when Walt last visited his house; that he killed Mike and he needs Jesse to obey so he doesn't have to kill him too. Jesse still has the courage to say 'no' to Walt. Jesse's the guy who had the balls to say 'no' to Gus Fring. Jesse demands that Walt give him something real and Walt has more no words. Walt won't tell Jesse any more lies, but he can't tell him the truth either. So Walt pulls Jesse into a hug and...and this is real. This is one of the few real things Walt has left. Walt holds Jesse close, stroking his head as he cries, just as he did when he comforted Jesse after Jane's death; another hug as genuine and as traitorous as this one. This is one way for Walt to prove he's still thinking of Jesse's needs. Because nobody has ever been in more dire need of a hug than Jesse Pinkman. Jesse sobs helplessly, looking tied up and trapped in Walt's arms.

Not long after Jesse has finished crying, he's sitting in Saul's office, looking like a dazed nervous kid once again. Kids are easy to control, easy to fool and for now it seems that Jesse is giving in and taking the easy way out. Saul is treating Jesse like a child too, giving him a Hello Kitty phone and telling him to be a good boy when the disappearer guy comes to collect him. For the moment, Jesse doesn't seem to sense either the contempt or the pity in Saul's tone. Jesse is distracted by thoughts of Alaska; a colder and lonelier future than the one he'd hoped for in New Zealand with Jane, but Alaska might be the kind of peaceful escape that could heal even Jesse's tortured soul. In case anyone hasn't noticed Jesse is kind of insane now and in his fragile state it's easier for him to smoke dope and play dumb. But Jesse isn't stupid. Jesse was never stupid. And when Jesse realizes Huell has picked his pocket for a second time he finally knows for sure that he was right, he was right, he was right that Walt poisoned Brock and being right has never been so painful. Jesse runs from the latest happy ending Mr White has tried to give him. He throws it all out. Barging back into his office, Jesse demands Saul confirm to him what he already knows. With a gun in his hand and tears streaming his face, Jesse is in the same fury as when he demanded this same truth from Walt.

And what does Saul tell Jesse? Walt did it to save Jesse. Walt poisons little children because that's what's best for you, Jesse! And yes, I can imagine Walt really believes this. Walt rescued Jesse when he was handcuffed in Gus's super lab and Walt could never have defeated Gus if he hadn't taken drastic measures to get Jesse back on his side. But Jesse just looks sickened by Walt's idea of saving him. He won't be saved by Mr White anymore. He's throwing it all out. He's burning it all down.


Rabid Dog



"You gotta understand. Deep down he loves me."

Walt knows he's in trouble and for once, he knows he deserves it. Walt rushes home to find his house like a ghost ship of Jesse's righteous fury. There's a car crashed in his driveway, there's meth sprinkled over its dashboard and there's the gasoline soaking the carpets inside. But there's no Jesse. Somewhere in Albuquerque Jesse is in a fit of rage, he's high on Walt's drugs and he's incensed by Walt's lies and betrayals. While all this makes Walt fearful for his own safety (fearful enough to carry a gun with him) Walt fears for Jesse's well being too. Walt leaves a message on Jesse's phone, promising to fix this, as if poisoning a child were just a little dispute that can be resolved with a calm conversation. And before he hangs up Walt can't help but add a "be safe" to his message. As Walt says later on in the episode, Jesse is often more of a danger to himself than others. When Skyler asks if Jesse has ever hurt anyone, Walt lies and insists that his dog isn't vicious. We know that Jesse can bite but Walt only sees the kicked puppy in him. If Jesse ever hurts anyone then it's because Walt makes Jesse do it, because he trained him well or because he treated him badly. But not because it's in Jesse's nature.

Saul certainly knows that Jesse can bite. When Walt is shocked by his cuts and bruises, Saul snarks "deep down he loves me". Saul has often been a witness to the abusive love Walt inflicts on Jesse. With the Brock poisoning, Saul's helped Walt to hurt Jesse in order to supposedly save Jesse. Because deep down Walt is always trying to save Jesse. Saul makes a fair point that maybe, at this point, it would be kinder to stop saving Jesse. Yes Jesse is loyal and lovable, but a year and a half under Walt's care and protection have driven the kid raving mad. Jesse's not happy, he's not healthy, he's in pain. It's time to end this poor creature's suffering. Walt has nothing but contempt for Saul's input and threatens him against hinting at that idea again. Then some ten minutes later Walt's own wife is suggesting the exact same thing. Yes Skyler remembers who Jesse fucking Pinkman is, Walt. For Skyler, Jesse was the voice on the other end of your second cell phone. Jesse was the affair that Skyler thought her husband was having. Jesse was one of the few faces Skyler could put to Walt's other life, the criminal life that Walt has since quit for the sake of bringing his family back together. Skyler has made her share of sacrifices too, most recently her relationship with her sister. So Walt can make one more sacrifice too. Skyler can only tolerate Walt right now if they are both committed to doing everything they can to keep their secrets and protect their family. Skyler doesn't want to hear that there is anything else Walt cares about besides their family and she certainly doesn't want to hear that it's Jesse Pinkman. Skyler isn't moved by Walt's "he may seem like a psychotic pyromaniac junkie but he's a sweetheart when you get to know him" feelings for Jesse. They aren't supposed to have feelings in this business. And yet here's her husband, the mass murdering crime lord, and he can't even bring himself to say the words "You want me to kill Jesse?"

When we go back in time to discover what happened to Jesse, we find him snorting meth off a CD, the same way he psyched himself up before his showdown with the two dealers who killed Tomas, the last time Jesse was ready to throw his life away on a reckless act of revenge. Soon Jesse is standing in the White house living room, a lighter in his trembling hand. The carpet at his feet is soaked in gasoline; it's splashed all over his clothes too and he's about to set it all on fire. Am I right in saying this was a suicide attempt? Jesse wasn't just planning to burn down Walt's life, he was throwing himself on the funeral pyre. That is until Hank comes in to talk Jesse down from the ledge. "He can't keep getting away with it!" Jesse screams and he's not even looking at Hank anymore. His eyes are turned heavenwards, like he's screaming at God or the indifferent universe. The universe that has never stopped Mr White or Jesse from being the bad guys. They just do stuff and nothing happens. Nothing will ever happen unless Jesse makes it happen. Jesse will see to it that he and Mr White burn in hell like they deserve to. But Hank reminds Jesse that he doesn't want to be killed. And it's true, Jesse is still scared to die. He's still so damn young. But there's nowhere to run and nobody left to be loyal too. So Jesse just surrenders, he surrenders to another old bald guy who wants to use him. I can't blame Jesse for flinching when Hank sits him in his car and slams the door. It feels like the door slamming shut on Jesse's freedom, possibly for the rest of his life. In the car, Hank leans over to fasten Jesse's seat belt, like he's putting a caught dog on a leash. Jesse isn't really a person anymore. He's police property. He's something that's owned.  

The next morning Jesse wakes up in the Schrader house and finds Hank and Gomie setting up a camera for his confession. Jesse looks like he wants to bolt but there's no escape for him now. He has already agreed to this. Hank got Jesse to agree when he was high on meth and the world was burning down. Jesse's said 'yes' to Marie's coffee too like a condemned man accepting the offer of a last meal. So Jesse sits down and spills out the story of his criminal career with Mr White, Walter White, his teacher. Jesse seems a little lighter in scenes after his confession. He's sobered up and ready to make an action plan with Hank and Gomie, like they are his new Gus and Mike. And Hank really is the new Gus in Jesse's life. If Saul sees Jesse as a sick dog that needs to be put down and Skyler sees Jesse as a loose end that needs to be tied up then Hank sees Jesse as the pawn he's willing to sacrifice if it means he wins the chess game. The only person who cares to keep Jesse alive is the same man who Jesse fears is plotting a hundred magical ways to murder him. Hank insists that Walt cares about Jesse which Jesse shrugs off with his juvenile, 'Yeah right, Mr White is gay for me' because Jesse still can't reconcile Mr White loving him deep down with Mr White destroying his life. But Jesse agrees to meet Walt one last time and wear a wire, because as Hank reminds Jesse he's not a person with choices anymore. He even has to ask to take a piss.

When Jesse is wired up and approaching Walt in the plaza, he imagines that Mr White is conjuring his demons all around him. Every person that passes Jesse seems like a threat, a supernatural assassin, and none more so than the unarmed man waiting for him on the bench. Jesse should have taken his own advice. Whatever Jesse imagined was going to happen at that meeting, the exact opposite was going to happen. Walt would've talked to Jesse, one last futile attempt to talk his way out of poisoning a child. Then Walt would've been going to jail and Jesse into witness protection. But Jesse has become the wild card in this game and it's only in this moment that Jesse seems to become aware of his own agency. He is the last straw that Hank is clutching at. Why can't Jesse choose how they play things? Sorry Hank but this is what you get when you partner up with Jesse Pinkman. He's an unpredictable little fucker and he has a devious mind of his own. With one phone call, Jesse's declares war on Walt and Walt's running out of options. For once Walt might have told the truth, the monstrous truth, and put his life in Jesse's hands. But now? Now Walt has no choice but to summon his demons.


To'hajiilee



"I'm burning all of it. One big bonfire."

It finally happened. Jesse finally joined Gale, Mike, Jane and the rest on the scarily long list of people who needed to be eliminated for the endurance of Walter White. In Walt's mind, there was no other option. Walt has tried all he can to create other options for Jesse and Jesse has rejected them every time. Jesse threw five million dollars worth of blood money out of his car window. Jesse ran away from his chance to disappear into a new life and identity. Jesse wouldn't meet Walt at the plaza to hear his oh so valid explanations for why he sometimes has to poison little children for their mutual survival. All Walt's attempts at happy endings or just bitter partings have failed. But Walt still needs to make an end between him and Jesse. An ending that Jesse cannot overthrow or resist. The only ending Walt can still control.

And even when Walt is ordering a hit on Jesse, he still seems to believe he can do right by his former partner. Jesse is worth so much more than all the others that Walt has killed and Walt shows his love by sparing no expense when it comes to paying for Jesse to have a nice humane execution. Jesse is not a rat, Walt insists. He still won't hear anyone else speak ill of Jesse. Walt's dog was a good loyal dog in its day. No, the problem is that Jesse is just too darn sensitive for this cruel world. Walt has tried to reason Jesse's pain away. He's tried to bandage him with money. But none of his old magic works anymore. Jesse has become the little fly buzzing around Walt's ears; a reminder of the guilt Walt should feel but doesn't, a contamination in Walt's new decent life as a dying man who owns a car wash. Walt won't be able to sleep until Jesse is silenced. But Walt won't hurt Jesse anymore. He'll pay top dollar for Uncle Jack's gang not to hurt Jesse when they kill him. There's just one problem. Walt doesn't know where Jesse is and his only plan for flushing Jesse out involves Walt implicitly threatening Andrea and Brock. So much for Jesse's death being free of suffering. Let's be honest here; this deal is about making Jesse's death a quick and painless process for Walt, not for his intended victim. If they do it this way, Walt won't have to see Jesse screaming and crying as a gang of Nazi thugs drag him away from Andrea's doorstep. Walt won't see Jesse driven out to some desolate spot to die in turmoil, not knowing what Walt might have done to Andrea and Brock this time. Walt can rewrite it all in his mind. Jesse can become his saddest fond memory. That poor screwed up kid who Walt tried so hard to save until he had no option but to give up on him. Walt can still lie to himself like this so long as he doesn't have to face what he is doing. There's a word to describe Walt's method for murdering Jesse: cowardly.

Walt waits for news of Jesse's killing at the car wash, the White fortress where Walt is protecting what remains of his family. Walt smiles as he stares at Skyler and Junior. They do what he says. He can trust in them. For a long time, Jesse played the role of Walt's surrogate family in his criminal life so maybe now his wife and kids can act as a substitute for Jesse in Walt's ordinary decent life. Walt can justify any sin so long as he is doing it in the name of protecting and providing for his family. But Walt has something even more precious than family to protect as Jesse reminds him with a snapshot of a money barrel buried in the ground. Yes, it looks like Jesse has taken Walt's mountain of cash hostage. He is burning it wad by wad and Walt reacts exactly as if Jesse were torturing one of his children. In the proceeding phone call Jesse shows no mercy in making Walt his bitch (three cheers for the return of Jesse saying "bitch" this episode). Walt drives into the desert as fast as he can, pleading with Jesse not to burn the money. Walt protests that the money is for his family, not for him, but Jesse knows better. $737,000...that was the money Walt needed for his family and there was a time when Jesse would've allowed Walt that much. The money buried in the desert is Walt's empire and Jesse wants to burn it down. Jesse has become the all-seeing disembodied demon who terrifies Walt, making him feel desperate and powerless; a vengeful spirit that taunts him and threatens to turn his life to ashes. Welcome to the way you've made Jesse feel on too many occasions Walt. Here's a taste of your own poison.

Walt finds himself alone in the desert with a car following him to the spot where he's buried his treasure. And he realizes; he's led him right to it. Walt forgot that Jesse is a blowfish and that if Jesse seems scary then it's nothing but air. Mr White taught his pupil well. Jesse knows Walt's weaknesses better than Walt knows Jesse these days. When Walt sees Jesse in the company of Hank, he starts to weep. His Jesse isn't supposed to be a rat. His Jesse is loyal and naive, a lost puppy who Walt had tried to protect and finally had to agree to put down. Walt loved that Jesse. This Jesse who has outsmarted him and betrayed him to the DEA is enough to break what remains of Walt's heart...it's enough to make Walt give himself up. There may still be ways Walt could have wriggled out of this, but somehow this blow has weakened him to the point of utter defeat. Walt comes out with his hands raised while Jesse watches with a giddy smile dawning on his face. When Hank puts the Devil in handcuffs he is stripped of all his powers. He's nothing but a greedy old crook who is going to be put away. And Jesse needs this. If Walt's biggest fear is that he has done all this for nothing, then Jesse's biggest fear is that after all they've done; nothing will happen. Jesse takes comfort in consequences. Walt's not getting away with this. Neither of them are.

Jesse knows the place Walt has buried his money is the first place they ever cooked together. Jesse can be sentimental about the old days in the RV as much as Walt. They both used to love to go camping and it's that love that makes the betrayal hurt worse on both sides. But Jesse may have finally learned self-acceptance. It all began here out in the desert and it all ends here in the desert and this is what they deserve. Jesse will be going to jail too, of course. No matter how much he helped the DEA, Jesse's still likely to serve a much longer jail sentence than Walt will live to serve. But Jesse is prepared to do his time just for the sake of putting things right. Jesse didn't take the selfish cowardly option of running away to Alaska when he had the chance. But Walt calls Jesse a coward anyway; an insult that's pretty rich coming from a guy who hired a gang of Nazi thugs because he was too pussy to kill Jesse himself. Jesse is so unbelievably over Walt abusing him that he spits in his face. Then Hank and Gomie have to put Walt and Jesse in separate cars before they kill each other. And this how it would have ended if it wasn't for Walt's cursed luck. The power of Heisenberg is such a fiendish force that Walt will summon his demons to him even when he doesn't want them to come. Uncle Jack's gang arrives and Pandora's box opens with a rain of bullets over the desert. And it's not the end after all. We've got another good old 'how the fuck will Walt and Jesse survive this?' adventure to come.


Ozymandias



"Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair."

Once upon a time. Two men. An RV. The desert.

This was where it all began. This was the first day of the rest of Walter White's life; cooking meth with Jesse, breaking the law to provide for his family. On this day Walt and Skyler chose a name for the new baby they were expecting. But Holly wasn't the only new child who Walt would become a father to in the coming year. There's also that idiot boy waving a stick around at the rocks. The bastard son of Walt's criminal life. On this long forgotten day, Walt couldn't have imagined how much he'd come to care about Jesse Pinkman. He couldn't have predicted how much he'd come to hate him either. Or just how much he would be capable of hurting the kid on a future dark day out in that same goddamn desert.

On this day, someone has brought Walt's family out into the desert and slaughtered them. Someone has stolen Walt's money, burned down Walt's empire and made it so that Walt did all of this for nothing. For worse than nothing. And all these things happened because Walt's criminal life spawned a chaotic child who he thought he could control but who has now brought about his utter destruction. Shall we give a name to Walt's child of chaos? "Heisenberg" is the name I'd call it by. But the name Walt chooses instead is "Pinkman", a new name for the boy who used to be his Jesse. This is the name Walt now gives to the Nazi's thugs who drag Jesse out from under his car. There needs to be a scapegoat who'll pay for the ruin of Walt's life and Jesse is the only person who Walt has any power over here. As for Jesse, he's been on his knees with a gun to his head before. Only this time he doesn't beg for his life and neither does Mr White. Jesse just braces himself to die without a friend in the world. He turns his eyes to the senseless heavens, to the sky that's as blue as all the meth he ever cooked. Two birds fly overhead, gliding over all...it must be nice to be free.

But no freedom in death for Jesse just yet. Todd ever so helpfully suggests that it would be better to torture Jesse for information before they kill him. And Walt who only days earlier didn't want Jesse to suffer any pain or fear, who didn't even want Jesse to be put down because "Jesse is a person"...it is Walt who gives the nod for Jesse to die in the most dehumanizing way I can think of. Jesse's eyes widen with shock and he weakly breathes the words "Come on". Jesse has been disowned by parents before and he's been expecting Mr White to kill him for months. Jesse can understand Walt hating him. The feeling is very much mutual at this point. But even Jesse doesn't hate Walt this much. And it can still get worse. Jesse screams and struggles and finally Walt tells the executioners to wait. Walt approaches his former partner, his face tensed with sadness and at last he says it: "I watched Jane die." At first, Jesse just looks numb and confused. This attack has come out of nowhere; Walt plunging a fresh knife into an old wound and twisting it just because he can. "I watched her die." Walt's face turns to stone and he tells Jesse three times over just to be sure it sinks in. Walt watched Jane die just like he's watching Jesse die right now. This is how Heisenberg murders the kid's spirit. The light leaves Jesse's eyes and he slumps lifeless in his captor's arms. The Nazis drag Jesse's body away to be beaten and enslaved. But the job's already done.

Jesse stares at Walt through the car window as they drive him away, finally seeing his old teacher with clear eyes, his worst fears confirmed that Mr White never gave a shit about him. That's the truth Jesse has to deal with as he faces torture and certain death. And the worst part is that it's another lie. The night Jane died was the night Walt first saw Jesse as his family and he swore not to give up on him. Walt sacrificed a young girl's life and a huge part of his soul to get Jesse off heroin. He missed his perfect moment to die because he wanted to keep Jesse alive. Walt never got it through to Jesse that he cared about him. Now Jesse will never believe him.  Now Walt rushes back to town to grasp at someone who he can still care about and control. But he doesn't find them in his old home. What Walt finds there is a wife with knives of her own and another son who turns Walt over to the police. Walt stares down at the family who he has brought to their knees, trembling in fear of him, just like Jesse in the desert. He's already lost them. Holly is the last fragment of family that Walt can take with him. So Walt takes the child and he runs. It'll take Walt a long time to realize his child is screaming.

Somewhere far beyond Walt's sight and feeling, Jesse is screaming in chains. "If you believe there's a hell, we're already pretty much going there..." Oh Jesse believes in hell alright and it's all around him. Hell is being kept alive only to cook in a meth lab. Hell is being put on a leash like a beaten dog. Hell is the picture on the wall of the child who was poisoned and the girl who hasn't died yet. This is what happens when you go up against the Devil and you lose. But back in civilization, Walt is in a Hell of his own creation. He has none of the Devil's power to bend the universe to his will. 'Mr White the Devil' is just an ugly mask he can put on for a last ditch attempt to protect his family. Walt is the danger in their lives. He finally gets what that means. So Walt disappears with his last barrel of money while a stray dog crosses the road behind the car. One last specter of the problem dog that Walt's left to die in this town.


Granite State



"Live free or die."

In the last episode, the world fell to ruin and all our characters were destroyed in that colossal wreck. So what happens after it's all over? What comes after the end? Walt and Jesse go to hell, that's what. In their two separate pockets of hell, they find themselves alone and helpless without a partner who'll have their back or shield them from further torments. It seems Walt and Jesse will be trapped in their hells for whatever remains of their cursed existences...unless there's a way to escape, unless there's a tiny chance they might breathe the free air again. They haven't quite lost hope yet. Both of these damned men have been left with one last blessing. One last piece of treasure that might still offer them salvation. For Walt, it's a barrel containing £11 million in cash. For Jesse, it's a paperclip.

Jesse's hell is made of concrete and chains and the constant threat of beatings. There's nothing in his cell but a mattress, a bucket and a photo of two people Jesse once hoped he could call his family. There's also the paperclip and Jesse's determination to become a master of his art. Jesse's latest craft is to learn everything there is to know about locks and how they unfasten. If only Jesse had been this dedicated in school maybe he'd never have to learn how to climb out of hell. Jesse's prison is guarded over by the hired demons of Mr White who cackle at the sad story of Jesse's life and the tears he shed when he confessed it all on tape. Uncle Jack thinks they should shoot Jesse for being a rat but Todd just isn't that merciful. Todd is bored of spiders in jars. He's always wanted a real live person in a cage pit to play with. No, they can't shoot Jesse the magical meth dog, they just have to give Todd a chance to train him. Todd brings Jesse ice cream as a treat for doing his tricks right. Jesse plays along, doing his best pound puppy impression as he asks Todd to leave the tarp off his cage so he can look at the stars. As long as there are stars in the sky, Jesse still has something to reach for, a twinkling heaven that's always been so far out of his grasp. Jesse reaches for it now. He piles up the last rags of humanity that have been left to him and he leaps up to clasp at the bars. We'll never know how badly Jesse's arms hurt in this moment but we do know that the thought of staying in that pit hurts more.

Miraculously Jesse escapes his cage and then...then he finds himself in another cage. He can barely begin another climb before his captors surround him. The same Jesse who stood his ground and said "no" to Heisenberg and to Fring screams "no!" again at these dark figures closing in. Jesse still has to learn...there is no way he can climb out of hell now. There are only ways he can fall deeper into it. The Nazis have ways to bring their dog to heel; they have ways to muzzle him so he can't bite back or even howl in pain. If Jesse could scream freely as he is forced to watch Andrea's murder we know the words he might scream; "I killed her. It was me." We'll never know how badly Jesse's soul hurts in this moment and we'll never want to. The Nazis would never have known to knock on Andrea's door if Mr White hadn't told them she could be used to bait Jesse. Sure, Walt gave them orders not to shoot Jesse in front of the young mother and her kid. So instead it's Jesse who has to look upon Walt's works and despair. Everything he ever cared about. Gone. Ruined. Dead.

Walt starts the episode still in denial over his own damnation. He knows he's going to hell, but he won't lie down till he gets there. Things to do, hitmen to hire, former Nazi associates to kill...busy, busy, busy. Saul joins Walt in this limbo where they are both waiting to be disappeared and it's Saul who suggests Walt could make a genuine act of contrition. Walt could turn himself in for his family. This makes Walt furious because he does EVERYTHING for his family, except...except he won't do this one thing that might actually help them now. Never give up control or your money. That was the mistake Walt made out in the To'hajiile desert. In his frustration, Walt randomly attempts to kidnap Saul to take with him to his relocation. Walt can still feel like he's in control so long as he has an underling to berate and gee, where's Jesse when you need him? Walt grits his teeth and tries to insist that it's not over, but a cancerous cough brings him to his knees. Walt is sent out to New Hampshire alone. We find that Walt's hell is made of snow and woodland and soul-crushing silence. The man who disappears Walt into this place remarks that it's "kinda beautiful". And it is. I can't help thinking that Jesse would've liked it here. But for Walt being surround by all this whiteness feels like a surrender. The gate to hell is open and Walt can walk out any time, but his fear of a futile defeat holds him prisoner. He's more trapped here than Jesse is in a concrete cage pit. Walt begins to realize that he has been abducted and imprisoned too, only he actually payed a man to do this to him and all he has to look forward to now are rare visits from the jailer. Walt learns that his family are broke, their old home is a derelict circus and slowly...slowly it dawns on Walt that this man who he'll pay to play cards with him for a few precious hours is nothing but a vulture waiting to pick his bones. This man won't see that his family gets his money after he dies. He's not Jesse.

So in a final moment of desperation, Walt climbs out of hell and reaches for the stars. He makes his final gamble with a phone call to his son. Walt wanted to be "the man who provides" but he's reduced to being a man who begs his child to give him some whisper of redemption. Please, don't let this all be for nothing, son. But it is. Flynn rejects the money for the same reason Jesse did months before. Neither of your sons want to inherit your blood money, Walt. Now Flynn kills his father with words just like Walt killed Jesse in the desert all those months ago. Walt lets out a few final breaths and then he calls the police to tell them where they can collect his body. On a TV in the corner of the barroom, Gretchen Schwartz mourns the loss of the "sweet kind brilliant man" that she once knew. That man is gone now. But the blue meth isn't. And there's only one other person on earth who Walt taught his magic to. Neither of them are dead just yet.


Felina



"Say the words. Say you want this."

Walt begins his final mission like Shakespeare's Prospero, another dying magician who spent his final days conjuring up a storm to take revenge on his enemies and to reclaim his dukedom. Just as Prospero enjoyed playing cruel games with the shipwrecked lords of Milan, so Walt takes great pleasure in terrorizing Gretchen and Elliot, the beautiful billionaires who Walt imagines stole his rightful empire away from him. And just as Prospero needed to provide a better future for his daughter Miranda, so Walt needs the Schwartz's provide a better future his own children; an inheritance for the family who have been dragged into exile along with Walt. The threat of bloody revenge is in the air, but the red laser beams pointing at Gretchen and Elliot's chests are nothing but an illusion provided by two mischievous sprites who we know as Badger and Skinny Pete. Walt asks Jesse's old friends to confirm if the blue meth is still on the streets. Is Walt's most precious piece of magic being used by another? Skinny confirms that the blue is back and "better than ever". And with those words, Walt can no longer dwell on the betrayals of his former Grey Matter partners. Because what's worse is the former partner who has stolen his Heisenberg empire; the same traitorous partner who ratted him out to Hank. Walt choose Jesse as his partner because he could trust him, because Jesse always did what Walt told him. It was the biggest mistake Walt made. Ever since Walt's controlling grasp slipped away from his once loyal servant, Jesse has been marked for death in his mind. Earlier that day Walt discarded his watch, Jesse's old birthday present, at a lonely pay phone, along with the memory of the sweet trusting young man who gave it to him. Walt is prepared to sacrifice the boy he once loved like a son in order to slay the deceptive little monster who (in his worst delusions) Walt imagines Jesse has become.

And where is Jesse now? In his daydreams, Jesse sculpts, sands and varnishes the perfect wooden box. The box is beautiful. He breathes in its scent and holds it close to his heart. It is his. This is the one thing that Mr White and his Nazi captors couldn't take away from Jesse. This last refuge of his imagination, this last fragment of his soul. In reality, Jesse is still leashed to a meth lab, still forced to cook that crystal blue poison for God knows how long. The sunlit carpentry shop in his mind is the only place Jesse can escape to now, the only place where he can still survive. Lydia is bringing more methylamine so Jesse can't hope for the release of death anytime soon. He certainly can't hope for rescue. Jesse doesn't know that somewhere out in the desert Mr White, that dying old magician, is ready to conjurer up his final tempest; the last storm of his vengeance. Jesse doesn't know that Mr White is building a robot with a machine gun arm. And Walt doesn't know yet that his latest invention will be the thing that kills him while he shields Jesse from further harm. Walt doesn't know the true purpose of his final mission yet or what his dying act should always have been. Walt won't know any of this until he sees Jesse again.

At the Nazis clubhouse, Jack decides that Jesse should be the last thing Walt sees before he dies. Walt needs to see how wrong he is. Todd opens the door and Jesse appears before Walt like the ghost of Marley, the partner who has been forced to carry the chains for both their sins. Jack grabs Jesse by the scruff of his neck and drags him forward so Walt can get a good look. Jesse doesn't cry or cower as he is subjected to this latest degradation. Nothing can hurt Jesse Pinkman anymore because everything already has. Walt can see Jesse now and the countless hurts he has suffered. And Walt doesn't gasp in shock. This is the sickly slow realization of a truth that Walt always knew but never wanted to admit to himself. The truth that Jesse always was more a prisoner than a partner to him. Jesse's captivity didn't just start when Walt let him be hauled away by Uncle Jack and his thugs. It started with the words "Either that or I turn you in". How many times did Walt find ways to trap Jesse in his servitude? How many cruel and unusual manipulations did Walt devise to force Jesse to stay on his side? "Take a good look at him," Uncle Jack sneers. This is Walt's partner. His good hardworking 50/50 partner. This is what Walt has done to him. This is what Walt was doing from the start. It's just taken Walt this long to see the shackles. To see the scars.

Walt can't hold back his storm any longer but he can save one soul from perishing in it. Walt throws Jesse to the ground, covering him from the rain of machine gun fire that is soon blasting over their heads. And just as suddenly the bullets stop and there aren't many people left breathing in the room. Todd scrambles to the window and gazes out at Walt's wizardry in awe. Todd's last words are "Mr White..." before the desperate feral creature that Jesse has become leaps up to strangle Todd with the chains he put him in. Walt has seen the rabid dog in Jesse before but never like this. This vicious writhing act on the floor is what it takes for Jesse claw his way out of hell, to throw off all his fetters and fears. Walt turns his attention to Uncle Jack, who begins to offer Walt the chance to get his money back before Walt cuts him off with a bullet to the head. Jesse flinches in surprise at this last shot. No, Mr White didn't come all the way back here to get his money, Jesse. The only thing that Walt has salvaged from this final mission is you. And now Walt slides his gun across the floor and he's finally giving Jesse the power in their relationship. Or is he? Jesse knows Walt better than that. The truth is that it's always been about what Mr White wants. Jesse needs to hear the truth from Walt's own mouth just as much as Skyler did. The least Walt can do is admit it; "I want this". Walt can't ever possibly begin to say he is sorry but Jesse can still give Walt this last absolution by making him pay for his sins with a deserved death. Jesse could never shoot Walt enough times to stop feeling angry at him. But that's not what Jesse needs right now. Jesse needs to stop being Walt's puppet. He needs to not let Walt jerk his strings this last time. Jesse sees Walt is already bleeding from a bullet hole in his side. He throws the gun to the floor and he tells Walt to "Do it yourself." Like seriously, what did your last slave die of.

Outside the clubhouse, Jesse moves in short shuffling steps towards the nearest getaway car. Wearing those chains has changed Jesse's walk and god knows what else they have changed in him. Jesse turns back and looks at Walt, a dying man clothed in shadows. Mr White told Jesse he needed to stop focusing on the darkness behind him and it may be a last hard-won victory for Walt that Jesse seems ready to take his advice. Walt smiles softly as he looks back at Jesse. Walt's mission is finally done. Like Prospero, he is ready to break his staff and drown his book of magic. Prospero's final act at the end of his life's work is to set his servant Ariel free. To set his soul free. Go spirit, to the elements, be free. Walt doesn't say anything at all to Jesse. There are no words that exist that could explain all that has passed between them. Jesse doesn't linger long. He gets in the car and he doesn't look back. He mows down the gates to his prison and he roars in exhilaration over the freedom he never expected to have again. Have a good rest of your life, kid...

Walt dies in the meth lab that was Jesse's prison. For Walt, this is his happy place. Walt likes it here as much as Jesse might have liked the quiet beauty of Walt's log cabin in New Hampshire. Here in the lab, Walt can reclaim his legacy. He is Heisenberg. He cooks the best blue in town. Nobody will credit his perfect pure meth to Jesse again. Nobody will know Jesse was even here. In the sea of chaos Walt has stirred up, nobody will think to remember Jesse's name. And that's something both of them can smile about. Walt will have his infamy while Jesse will have a chance. And maybe in the end...it won't have been for nothing.